Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
ERMA BOMBECKThe odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
-
-
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
ERMA BOMBECK -
The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
ERMA BOMBECK -
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
ERMA BOMBECK -
For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
ERMA BOMBECK -
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
ERMA BOMBECK -
When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
ERMA BOMBECK -
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
ERMA BOMBECK -
I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
ERMA BOMBECK -
I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
ERMA BOMBECK -
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
ERMA BOMBECK -
Children make your life important.
ERMA BOMBECK -
I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Cats invented self-esteem.
ERMA BOMBECK -
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
ERMA BOMBECK -
If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
ERMA BOMBECK -
I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
ERMA BOMBECK