Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
ERMA BOMBECKKids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
ERMA BOMBECK