Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
ERMA BOMBECKChildren make your life important.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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He who laughs lasts.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
ERMA BOMBECK