The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
ERMA BOMBECKAll of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
ERMA BOMBECK