Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECKGuilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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Children make your life important.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Success is outliving your failures.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
ERMA BOMBECK