A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
ERMA BOMBECKOnce you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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He who laughs lasts.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
ERMA BOMBECK