Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
ERMA BOMBECKThe hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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Children make your life important.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
ERMA BOMBECK