Children make your life important.
ERMA BOMBECKWhen I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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He who laughs lasts.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
ERMA BOMBECK