I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
ERMA BOMBECKOne thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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He who laughs lasts.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Children make your life important.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
ERMA BOMBECK