It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
ERMA BOMBECKOne thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
ERMA BOMBECK