Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECK
I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECK -
It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
ERMA BOMBECK -
For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
ERMA BOMBECK -
I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
ERMA BOMBECK -
The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
ERMA BOMBECK -
Cats invented self-esteem.
ERMA BOMBECK -
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
ERMA BOMBECK -
A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Every puppy should have a boy.
ERMA BOMBECK -
I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
ERMA BOMBECK -
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
ERMA BOMBECK -
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECK -
If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
ERMA BOMBECK