There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
ERMA BOMBECKI worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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Children make your life important.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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Success is outliving your failures.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
ERMA BOMBECK