Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECKI remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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He who laughs lasts.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Children make your life important.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
ERMA BOMBECK