I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
ERMA BOMBECKHe who laughs lasts.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
ERMA BOMBECK