Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
ERMA BOMBECKFriends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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Success is outliving your failures.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
ERMA BOMBECK