I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
ERMA BOMBECKHow come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECK