“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”

I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.

I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.

Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.

If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.

Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.

Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.

Housework can kill you if done right.

I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.

What we are really living for is the experience of life, both the pain and the pleasure.

When you find yourself in a position to help someone, be happy because Allah is answering that person’s prayer through you.

Jesus promised his disciples three things—that they would be completely fearless, absurdly happy, and in constant trouble.

Life is essentially a cheat and its conditions are those of defeat; the redeeming things are not happiness and pleasure but the deeper satisfactions that come out of struggle.

The ultimate goal of all goals is to be happy. If you want to be happy make someone else happy.

Money can’t buy you happiness but it buys you all the things you don’t have, even friends.

Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you’re in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you.