I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
ERMA BOMBECKWhen you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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He who laughs lasts.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
ERMA BOMBECK