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Erma Bombeck Quote - I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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Children make your life important.
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He who laughs lasts.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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