If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it. GEORGE BURNS AndBadEnoughGoodITPayScript
You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there. GEORGE BURNS DownElseGetStoopWhileWonder
It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. GEORGE BURNS AurChangeCleanDirtyHardRememberTheseUsed
I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere. GEORGE BURNS AgeAnywherePleaseSimple
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it. GEORGE BURNS AskAvoidImportantLongevityMostSaySingleTension
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. GEORGE BURNS BeginingCloseEndGoodHavePossibleSecretTogether
This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two. GEORGE BURNS BookGuyRaedSixthTwoWritten
I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked. GEORGE BURNS BelieveBesidesBookDieDownExistNewNow
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. GEORGE BURNS AgeFidteenm CigarHoldSmokeSomething
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. GEORGE BURNS ActFakeGodHonestyInside
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair. GEORGE BURNS AllBadCountryCutHairKnowPeopleRunTaxicabToo
The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. GEORGE BURNS FakeGotHonestyImportantMadeMostThing
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. GEORGE BURNS FivePimpleRetirementRidiculousSixty
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth. GEORGE BURNS DrinkDrunkFourteenthRememberTakeThirteenTrouble
You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made. GEORGE BURNS FakeGotHonestThatTrouble
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. GEORGE BURNS AnotherCareCityCloseFamilyHappinessKnitLargeLove
I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill. GEORGE BURNS AgeCigarHolderJustNowPutThrill
If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age. GEORGE BURNS AgeDieFewGotHundredMadeOnePastPeopleVery
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. GEORGE BURNS DownFinallyFirstForgetNameNetPullZipper
I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate. GEORGE BURNS AccessFailureHateRatherSomething
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. GEORGE BURNS BadBusyCountryCutDriveHairKnowPeopleRunTaxicab
