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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.

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Baby Born Doctor Everybody Slap Ugly World

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Christmas Everybody Forgotten Past Present Remember Time Want
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
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Avoid Beget Children Desire Entirely Mean Poverty Single Something Violence
Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Aim Fool High Off Shoot
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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Beauty Day Fourteen Give never Plan Ten Up Year
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
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Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Beneath Breast Knee Law Left Mother Out Pain Trick Tuned
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Always Children Choose Home Nice One Rest
I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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Beauty Came Constant Country Hit Last Mouth Once People Person
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Afford All Children Move Them Thing Want
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Curve Set Smile Straight
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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Attack Country Dog Even Hear Ible Lisp Mail One People Person Piddle
I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
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Ago Ask Fresh Grass Hour Lady Milk Said Three Waiter
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Blood Discontinue Know Type
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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Admit Away Boyfriend Drive Forty Live Mile Sex Tremendous
Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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Children Divorce Father Get Now Outside Remember

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