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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.

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Baby Born Doctor Everybody Slap Ugly World

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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Ask Country Once Out People Player Room
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Blouse Once Peekaboo People Peek Too Wore
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Beneath Breast Knee Law Left Mother Out Pain Trick Tuned
My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Bad Body Phase Prescription Shape Such Underwater Wear
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Christmas Everybody Forgotten Past Present Remember Time Want
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads… I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!
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Ask Baby Folk Head Hospital Leave Mother Over Photo Sack Ugliest
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year

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