My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
PHYLLIS DILLERI like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
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Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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self-pity is better than none.
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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
PHYLLIS DILLER






