Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
PHYLLIS DILLERI like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
-
-
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
PHYLLIS DILLER -
In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
PHYLLIS DILLER