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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

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Humble Keep Know Mirror

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women
You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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Aligator Barefoot Compliment Know Shoe Someone
Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
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Gold Have Health Important Jewelry Next Things
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Christmas Everybody Forgotten Past Present Remember Time Want
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Attack Country Dog Even Hear Ible Lisp Mail One People Person Piddle
I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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Beauty Came Constant Country Hit Last Mouth Once People Person
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Always Children Choose Home Nice One Rest
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Humble Keep Know Mirror
The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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Constant Difference Other Same Song Technology Thought Wine Year
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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Come Have May Live Onion Ought Side So Sport
All mothers are working mothers.
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All Mother Working
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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Bad Earn Ever Kid Last Lose Money Old Teeth Thing
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Curve Set Smile Straight
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Accused Constant Country Drought Fire Food Mud Swanson
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Football never Olay Outfit Public Reason Same Wear Women

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