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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

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Humble Keep Know Mirror

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time
I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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Cloth Doctor Go Look Love Man Say Take
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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Bury Clear Dead Dinner Food Phase Serve Table Three
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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Before Clean Grow House Kid Shovel Snow Stop Up
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Bedroom Dead Nickname Nothing Happen Sea Waterbed
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Curve Set Smile Straight
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
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Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Also Career Felt Husband Marriage Mix Work
Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Gold Have Health Important Jewelry Next Things
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Blouse Once Peekaboo People Peek Too Wore
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Football never Olay Outfit Public Reason Same Wear Women
I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
PHYLLIS DILLER

Feature Made never That What
It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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Bed Course Fang Gone Mad Month Three True Was Year

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