If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
PHYLLIS DILLERA passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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self-pity is better than none.
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A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
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