I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
PHYLLIS DILLERI’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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self-pity is better than none.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLER