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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

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Age Back Do Go More Than

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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Accused Constant Country Drought Fire Food Mud Swanson
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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Christmas Day Job Look Next Office Party
When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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Bottle Kiss Play Quater Spin Want
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
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Apply Clean Neighbour Roaster Something
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Afford All Children Move Them Thing Want
I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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Cloth Doctor Go Look Love Man Say Take
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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Ask Country Once Out People Player Room
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Bedroom Dead Nickname Nothing Happen Sea Waterbed
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Christmas Everybody Forgotten Past Present Remember Time Want
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Humble Keep Know Mirror
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Curve Set Smile Straight
My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
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All Life Own Real Thing
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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Come Have May Live Onion Ought Side So Sport
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Any Argument Bank Been Cab Country Just Robbed Three Time

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