A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
-
-
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!
PHYLLIS DILLER -
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLER