Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
PHYLLIS DILLERNext to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
PHYLLIS DILLERBest way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
PHYLLIS DILLERBy far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
PHYLLIS DILLERDo not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
PHYLLIS DILLERAll mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLERTranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
PHYLLIS DILLERself-pity is better than none.
PHYLLIS DILLERA bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
PHYLLIS DILLERRemarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
PHYLLIS DILLERCleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
PHYLLIS DILLERAny time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
PHYLLIS DILLERYou know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
PHYLLIS DILLERThey just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
PHYLLIS DILLERI was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
PHYLLIS DILLER