I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
PHYLLIS DILLERI always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
PHYLLIS DILLER






