I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
PHYLLIS DILLERI’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
PHYLLIS DILLERI spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLERIf your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
PHYLLIS DILLERself-pity is better than none.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
PHYLLIS DILLERLife is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
PHYLLIS DILLERDo not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
PHYLLIS DILLERA smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLERAny time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
PHYLLIS DILLERTennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
PHYLLIS DILLERHis finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
PHYLLIS DILLERHealth – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
PHYLLIS DILLERI want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
PHYLLIS DILLERThere’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
PHYLLIS DILLER