When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
NORM MACDONALDIgnorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
NORM MACDONALD