They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
NORM MACDONALDThe most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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I don’t have any ambition.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
NORM MACDONALD