All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
NORM MACDONALDEnjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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I don’t have any ambition.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
NORM MACDONALD