Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
NORM MACDONALDIt is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
NORM MACDONALD