I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
NORM MACDONALDThe praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I don’t really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
NORM MACDONALD