The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.
MARK TWAINThe two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
More Mark Twain Quotes
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I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s.
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There’s one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he’s crooked.
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If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.
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I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
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The secret to getting ahead is getting started.
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Obscurity and a competence – that is the life that is best worth living.
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There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.
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When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
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There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
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Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
MARK TWAIN