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The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

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A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
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Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn’t be so bad if they thought.
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A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they’re married.
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The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
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Honesty pays, but it doesn’t seem to pay enough to suit some people.
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Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee.
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No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
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It’s going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.
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Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
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One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.
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One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.
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Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.
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Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, an’ it keeps on laughin’.
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Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
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In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.
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There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?
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