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The world gets better every day – then worse again in the evening.

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If at first you do succeed don’t take any more chances.
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I’m sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory.
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Back Expire Fifty Inform Knee Memory Sorry Warranty Year
Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn’t have as many monuments to unveil.
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No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
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The hardest thing is writing a recommendation for someone we know.
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Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.
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Never tell the box-office man that you can’t hear well or he will sell you a seat where you can’t see either.
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Box Either Hear never Office Seat Sell Tell
Every father expects his boy to do the things he wouldn’t do when he was young.
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It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
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Anything Bring Happiness Hard Pretty Side Tell
An optimist is a fellow who believes what’s going to be will be postponed
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Believe Fellow Go Optimist Postpone Will
Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.
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Car Fail never Polish Rain Weather Wish
Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
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Children Christmas Little Mean Nothing Something Useful
Executive: a man who makes quick decisions and is sometimes right.
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Decision Executive Make Man Quick Right Something
One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.
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There isn’t much to be seen in a little town, but what you hear makes up for it.
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When some folks agree with my opinions I begin to suspect I’m wrong.
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Agree Begin Folk Opinion Some Suspect Wrong

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