A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
EMO PHILIPSYou know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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Computers aren’t intelligent, they only think they are.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I’m seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, “I am a bulemic”.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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Now there’s a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.
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The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
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I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
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If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don’t have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.
EMO PHILIPS