I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?
EMO PHILIPS
I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?
EMO PHILIPS -
My girlfriend said, Emo, I’m seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
EMO PHILIPS -
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
EMO PHILIPS -
The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
EMO PHILIPS -
If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don’t have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.
EMO PHILIPS -
My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.
EMO PHILIPS -
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
EMO PHILIPS -
I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
EMO PHILIPS -
You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
EMO PHILIPS -
I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
EMO PHILIPS -
You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
EMO PHILIPS -
You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers…damn anthropologists.
EMO PHILIPS -
You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
EMO PHILIPS -
When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.
EMO PHILIPS -
I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic… in morse code.
EMO PHILIPS