I’m learning Cuban. It’s like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
EMO PHILIPS
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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I’m learning Cuban. It’s like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
EMO PHILIPS -
My girlfriend said, Emo, I’m seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
EMO PHILIPS -
The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said If you’ll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you’ve been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference.
EMO PHILIPS -
The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
EMO PHILIPS -
I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
EMO PHILIPS -
My parents were very protective. I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
EMO PHILIPS -
The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
EMO PHILIPS -
You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
EMO PHILIPS -
I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
EMO PHILIPS -
My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
EMO PHILIPS -
I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
EMO PHILIPS -
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
EMO PHILIPS -
I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
EMO PHILIPS -
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
EMO PHILIPS -
So I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
EMO PHILIPS