Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.
EMO PHILIPSI tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?
More Emo Philips Quotes
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I’ve never been back to THAT newstand.
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I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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Now there’s a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
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Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, how are you going to get into the corners?”
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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I don’t know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I’m fairly confident that I’ll be taken off of it for one.
EMO PHILIPS