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The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.

Bob Hope

I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.
BOB HOPE

Boxing Canvas Funny Sports
Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies
BOB HOPE

Ambition Dancing People
I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Littles
My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
BOB HOPE

Doors Even Garage Love Makin Next
We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
BOB HOPE

Courses Decide Golf Play Spring
Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
BOB HOPE

Careers Dying Line One
I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
BOB HOPE

Country People Political Jokes
Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.
BOB HOPE

Country Fog Funny Remove
Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.
BOB HOPE

Agents Lying Typical
Celebrities have a way of touching our lives. Perhaps we are influenced by their screen image, or perhaps by their acquired status.
BOB HOPE

Christmas Image Littles Screen Touching
The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Government Humorous People
My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
BOB HOPE

Gun Makeup Men Spray
Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?
BOB HOPE

Dresses Funny Humorous Oil
Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life.
BOB HOPE

Baseball Character Kids Personal Plot Side
The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn’t got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous
By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.
BOB HOPE

Eighteen Engaged Finished Foursome
A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
BOB HOPE

Heart Humor Laughter
I’ve got to watch myself these days. It’s too exciting watching anyone else.
BOB HOPE

Days Line One These Watches
Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.
BOB HOPE

Balls Golf Play
When you get over 95, every day is your day.
BOB HOPE

Country Day Every Get Over People
We didn’t know that in America after the war, you wouldn’t be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.
BOB HOPE

Able Although Country Lost Reservation
It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.
BOB HOPE

Better Couple Funny Humorous
Television is the box they buried entertainment in.
BOB HOPE

Boxes Entertainment Television
Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.
BOB HOPE

Beautiful Golf Member Successful
The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
BOB HOPE

Aspirin Firm Print Times
I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.
BOB HOPE

Get Golf Names Vain
Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here – just for me.
BOB HOPE

Appreciate Want War Winding

The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.

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The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.

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