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I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?

Bob Hope

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
BOB HOPE

Christmas Holiday Old Fashioned Xmas
Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Night Reason Same
My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
BOB HOPE

Gun Makeup Men Spray
I have too much money invested in sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Invested Sweater
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
BOB HOPE

Music Names Personality Play
Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.
BOB HOPE

Country Fog Funny Remove
I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
BOB HOPE

Although Beautiful Girl Lucky Over Thing Whole
Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Night Suffering
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
BOB HOPE

Day Mean Motherhood Mothers
I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.
BOB HOPE

England Hair Line One
A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
BOB HOPE

Men One Line Religious
It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.
BOB HOPE

Caddies Division Fame Golf
Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Kissing Tea
Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.
BOB HOPE

Failure Girlfriend House Sex
He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
BOB HOPE

Balls Go Golf Yards
I was there. I saw your sons and your husbands, your brothers and your sweethearts. I saw how they worked, played, fought, and lived. I saw some of them die.
BOB HOPE

Brother Country Day Die Husband Veterans

I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?

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I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?

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Popular Authors

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