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England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.

Bob Hope

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.
BOB HOPE

Men President Six
I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
BOB HOPE

Golf Green Pay
The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Government Humorous People
Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Night Reason Same
President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.
BOB HOPE

Golf Painting President
Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn’t get elected, he’d go back to acting.
BOB HOPE

Acting Funny President
I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
BOB HOPE

Animal Running White
I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?
BOB HOPE

One Should Taxes Travel Years
The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.
BOB HOPE

Better Get Home Video
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
BOB HOPE

Music Names Personality Play
If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.
BOB HOPE

Golf Relax Right Thinking
You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.
BOB HOPE

Age Calculate Fingers Rings
The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
BOB HOPE

Apart Dog Miles Pet Tree
It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.
BOB HOPE

Better Couple Funny Humorous
We didn’t know that in America after the war, you wouldn’t be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.
BOB HOPE

Able Although Country Lost Reservation
On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.
BOB HOPE

Alligators Bags Golf

England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.

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England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.

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Popular Authors

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