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I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.

Bob Hope

I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, “Don’t worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it’s obsolete.”
BOB HOPE

Aircraft Asked Bob Obsolete Type Worry
Golf is a funny game. It’s done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I’m the healthiest idiot in the world.
BOB HOPE

Games Golf Hope Look People Ruin
All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It’s in the lease.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous Old
I don’t know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He’s done nothing.
BOB HOPE

Carter Done Nothing People
The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn’t got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous
Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
BOB HOPE

Anything Resist Temptation
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
BOB HOPE

Country Humorous People Soup
Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.
BOB HOPE

Funny Item People Telling Years
You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.
BOB HOPE

Age Calculate Fingers Rings
It’s amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn’t sell theirs threw them away.
BOB HOPE

Day Next People See Sold Television
I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
BOB HOPE

Animal Running White
I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.
BOB HOPE

Men President Six
Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Definitely Essence Life
Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.
BOB HOPE

Decent Garden State
She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.
BOB HOPE

Braves Family Kid Players
I’ve never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn’t know how really great he is.
BOB HOPE

Actors Oscar Reassuring

I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.

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I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.

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