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I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.

Bob Hope

Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.
BOB HOPE

Beach Golf Grass Pebbles
Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.
BOB HOPE

Failure Girlfriend House Sex
She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Direction Helping Life Wondering
The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
BOB HOPE

Funny Handshake Tired Water
We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Successful
The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I’ve encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE – and a maid to press it for me.
BOB HOPE

Button Country Funny Hotel Humorous Maid Press Room Service
It’s so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.
BOB HOPE

Cold Hands Pockets Politician
I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humble Humor
I’ve never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn’t know how really great he is.
BOB HOPE

Actors Oscar Reassuring
On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.
BOB HOPE

Alligators Bags Golf
YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.
BOB HOPE

Concentrate Grandchildren One Thing Tim
Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you’re God’s frozen people.
BOB HOPE

Frozen Guy People
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
BOB HOPE

Christmas Holiday Old Fashioned Xmas
We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.
BOB HOPE

Ashes Country Funny Humorous People
One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
BOB HOPE

Balls Forever Gifts Good Greatest Laughter Thank
I led such a sheltered life I didn’t go out with girls until I was almost four.
BOB HOPE

Four Girl Lives Sheltered

I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.

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I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.

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