My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
BOB HOPEDid you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
BOB HOPE -
If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.
BOB HOPE -
It’s so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.
BOB HOPE -
The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don’t know which end to talk to.
BOB HOPE -
I don’t know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He’s done nothing.
BOB HOPE -
To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.
BOB HOPE -
The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn’t got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.
BOB HOPE -
We’re on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It’s a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.
BOB HOPE -
The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he’s not running for anything.
BOB HOPE -
I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
BOB HOPE -
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
BOB HOPE -
Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.
BOB HOPE -
A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
BOB HOPE -
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
BOB HOPE -
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
BOB HOPE