I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
BOB HOPEJimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.
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I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.
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I don’t know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He’s done nothing.
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It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.
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Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies
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I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
BOB HOPE -
I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
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Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
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I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it’s silly to let the game get to you.
BOB HOPE -
I can’t give up Golf, I’ve got too many sweaters.
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The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
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Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
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Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.
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Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.
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A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
BOB HOPE