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He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

Bob Hope

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.
BOB HOPE

Acting Awards Hollywood Press Thinking
Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Japan
I’ve never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn’t know how really great he is.
BOB HOPE

Actors Oscar Reassuring
The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
BOB HOPE

Aspirin Firm Print Times
I like to play in the low 70’s. If it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!
BOB HOPE

Bars Golf Hotter Play
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
BOB HOPE

Day Mean Motherhood Mothers
That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Golf Loss Weight
All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It’s in the lease.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous Old
My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
BOB HOPE

Doors Even Garage Love Makin Next
I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Giving Golf Sweaters Up
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
BOB HOPE

Country Kissing Lazy Love People
It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.
BOB HOPE

Caddies Division Fame Golf
You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.
BOB HOPE

Age Calculate Fingers Rings
By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.
BOB HOPE

Eighteen Engaged Finished Foursome
Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!
BOB HOPE

Healing Mean Wonderful
I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.
BOB HOPE

Adversity Better Lucky Now Pugs

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

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He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

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