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I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Bob Hope

US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!
BOB HOPE

Ford Gerald Golf President
He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
BOB HOPE

Balls Go Golf Yards
For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green
BOB HOPE

Firsts Green Oscars
The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
BOB HOPE

Aspirin Firm Print Times
I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.
BOB HOPE

England Hair Line One
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
BOB HOPE

Age Growing Long
It’s so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.
BOB HOPE

Cold Hands Pockets Politician
England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.
BOB HOPE

England Funny Humorous Performance
Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.
BOB HOPE

Balls Golf Play
We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Successful
Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.
BOB HOPE

Instant Laughter Vacation
It’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.
BOB HOPE

Course Golf Wounded
I can’t give up Golf, I’ve got too many sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Giving Golf Sweaters Up
One of our stock lines used to be “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Bing, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me.” And that’s the way we go through life – doing nothing for each other!
BOB HOPE

Each Lines Nothing Other Stock Way
Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.
BOB HOPE

Golf Paramedic Play Trying
The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.
BOB HOPE

Better Get Home Video

I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

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I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

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Popular Authors

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