Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
BILLY CONNOLLYScottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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