I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
BILLY CONNOLLYI still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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I don’t think I’ve ever died on stage. I’ve had jokes that died on stage. I’ve told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn’t know it was the end of the joke.
BILLY CONNOLLY